Aunty GweGweGwe... 😂😂 By force preaching
Penocrat Ayomide Ugonna
After my village people failed at controlling their Grandmother's destiny via skype from calabash, I decided to take Nkechi Bianze's advice. and gaan drink hot pepper soup at any bar of my choice. 😋😋
.
You people needed to see me. I dressed up like I was supposed to appear on one kain red carpet event laidat. Then I sprayed better perfume, arranged my hair, and now contoured my face well jare. Who natural beauty epp?😂😂
.
Walking down the road, to the junction, where I was gonna board a bus, I was just priding upandan. As per celebrity status kini. Afterall, I just earned myself, the title of a slay queen. You know? Las las wetin remain na for Neymar salary and Buhari's entourage to fall on me. Finito!😂😂
.
Eventually, a bus stopped and I hopped in. The celebrity pride inside my blood did not even allow me notice how angry and cranky the driver looked. Kilo kan mi? If you dey vex, go boil beans na.😂😂
.
Our bus also stopped along the way, to pick up some sharply dressed babes and guys, who appeared to be going my way. As they were entering the vehicle, I noticed a very long alarming sigh at the back. So I turned to see one woman rolling her eyes in anger. Then she shouted;
.
" Chukwu zoba kwa anyi na this generation. Immorality a kalia! So much evuuu inside the earth.
.
Then, the next thing I heard was; " Ehn... bikonu, Umu nwanyi no na this bus. Kpuchie nu Isi unu. K'anyi kpe epele."
.
Actually, no one planned for a head tie or scarf, except one Aunty, who hurriedly drew out one green scarf from her bag and wrapped around her head. Us wey no get scarf just maintain sha. Me I kuku do like say I no dey hear Igbo finally.😂😂
.
This time Big Aunty tapped me, while repeating her orders again to the entire bus;
" You people think this God is una mate abi? You can't follow the simple instructions of your maker?
Cover ya hair, we waantu prey! Don't use your hand and enter problem with ya maker!"😂😂
.
Hian! Which kain wahala be this na? From frying pan to fire. So even ordinary pepper soup, I can't even go and drink in peace? Village people!!! Thank you ooo. You people shu just wehdone! Una doh!😥😥
.
Finally, when Big Aunty noticed no one was moved by her threats in the name of her God, she just prayed solo in hardcore Igbo, brought out her bible, and started preaching. She was like;
.
" Today, I don't even wantu 'mix' words with anybody o. I'm just here to tell you people that the time is now. Oge amara bu ugbua! If you people think I'm joking, don't take me serious ad repent. All of you should better repent or face eternal fire burning! All those una fine skin the hell fire would melt it and burn it away! God is not a man that he should lie!😂
.
Hian! While, some people were laughing and minding their business, I turned back again, to take a look at this preacher of doom, and that was how Big Aunty faced me.
.
" Looking at me won't buy you salvation. Excess makeup no fit save you. Repent! A lot of the ladies that do makeup in this bus are going to visit man! What is man? What is man!!! You can survive without man! Man that will give you HIV and S tomorrow? 'HIV and S'!😂 And HIV and S is equal to hell fire!
You are here. Wearing trouser! Because you want to make man to fall inside temptation. Be careful. Fire will burn You!! All this small small boys buying girls sontin and finishing them, ugbua bukwa oge amara! Fire is coming for you ooo. Fire is coming unless you repent!"😂😂
.
She pointed at another girl chewing gum loudly. "I'm talking. Your'e chewing. Fire is coming oo!"
She emphasized, with her right hands drawing her ear.
.
"Its not HIV and S , its HIV and Aids." The babe replied. 😂
.
All of a sudden, the driver stopped to pick up another guy, who just got off a bike, and was angrily shouting at the bike man. When he got into the bus, Our big Aunty faced him;
" How can you be shouting at a man that is older than ya father? Ogini na e mezi umu aka this generation?"
.
The guy explained to her that he had just lost his girl friend to a bike accident. According to him, he had the accident with her. She died, he survived. He has been careful, ever since.
Firstly, he's traumatized, secondly, he had to stop the bike and take a bus, because the bike man was riding at a high speed. Everyone was expecting big aunty to sympathize with the guy, but it went the other day.
.
Big Aunty, dropped her preaching, then looked at the guy. She frowned at his dreads and skintight jeans, and started yelling at him. " So you survived abi? You survive? But you send another man's pikin go hell. After finishing her up? You finish person wey no be your wife? Fire is coming for you!!
.
Then our driver lost it...
" Madam!!! Mechionu gi there!!! ebe obula, Fire fire! fire is coming to you n'ebe kwa!
Na you that fire go fez burn commot!
Big Aunty became angry and started raining insults on our driver who matched her back with the same energy, insult wise. The guys started hailing our driver o. They even promised him bottles of beer.
When driver noticed that his chivalry was gaining him bottles of beer and pedigree as well, he intensified his verbal lynchings on Big Aunty.
It was not a small sontin. Bus became noisy. Me I just opened my bag, collected ear piece and plugged inside my ears.
Not today. Satan, Not Today.
Come what may, I must drink that pepper soup. Village people cannot win me in this one. Affliction shall not rise up again the second time mbok!
.*************************
.
Dear Religious Bullies,
I am not offended by your belief in God, neither am I offended by your evangelism in commercial buses.
As a matter of fact, I'm only offended by you, using God and threats of hell fire as a yard stick, to force others to live by the RULES and DOCTRINES of YOUR church.
.
Be open minded! As far as I'm concerned, writing off people, because their attires or outlooks aren't in conjunction with the doctrines of YOUR church, dikwa very lame. o lame baje!
.
Open minded people do not impose their beliefs on others. They accept that we all have a different perspective on life,and therefore, they do their thing in peace and without judgement.
.
Do you know that sometimes the nicest people on earth, could be all covered up in tattoos and dreads?
.
Stop judging people by the scriptures of your faith, and the doctrines of your church. Embrace them by the content of their hearts!
.
Las las, a person's character is shown through their actions, and not where they sit on Sunday. Stop all this religious bullying. I don't even want to enter you people this morning.
I'm just saying that, If you want to preach, preach your thing and rest!
.
Which wan is 'fire is coming for you? The fire dey trek for road?😃😃
Stop threatening people with hell fire! Una no be shareholder or class captain for there! 😏😏😏😏
Written by Penocrat Ayomide Kindness.
After my village people failed at controlling their Grandmother's destiny via skype from calabash, I decided to take Nkechi Bianze's advice. and gaan drink hot pepper soup at any bar of my choice. 😋😋
.
You people needed to see me. I dressed up like I was supposed to appear on one kain red carpet event laidat. Then I sprayed better perfume, arranged my hair, and now contoured my face well jare. Who natural beauty epp?😂😂
.
Walking down the road, to the junction, where I was gonna board a bus, I was just priding upandan. As per celebrity status kini. Afterall, I just earned myself, the title of a slay queen. You know? Las las wetin remain na for Neymar salary and Buhari's entourage to fall on me. Finito!😂😂
.
Eventually, a bus stopped and I hopped in. The celebrity pride inside my blood did not even allow me notice how angry and cranky the driver looked. Kilo kan mi? If you dey vex, go boil beans na.😂😂
.
Our bus also stopped along the way, to pick up some sharply dressed babes and guys, who appeared to be going my way. As they were entering the vehicle, I noticed a very long alarming sigh at the back. So I turned to see one woman rolling her eyes in anger. Then she shouted;
.
" Chukwu zoba kwa anyi na this generation. Immorality a kalia! So much evuuu inside the earth.
.
Then, the next thing I heard was; " Ehn... bikonu, Umu nwanyi no na this bus. Kpuchie nu Isi unu. K'anyi kpe epele."
.
Actually, no one planned for a head tie or scarf, except one Aunty, who hurriedly drew out one green scarf from her bag and wrapped around her head. Us wey no get scarf just maintain sha. Me I kuku do like say I no dey hear Igbo finally.😂😂
.
This time Big Aunty tapped me, while repeating her orders again to the entire bus;
" You people think this God is una mate abi? You can't follow the simple instructions of your maker?
Cover ya hair, we waantu prey! Don't use your hand and enter problem with ya maker!"😂😂
.
Hian! Which kain wahala be this na? From frying pan to fire. So even ordinary pepper soup, I can't even go and drink in peace? Village people!!! Thank you ooo. You people shu just wehdone! Una doh!😥😥
.
Finally, when Big Aunty noticed no one was moved by her threats in the name of her God, she just prayed solo in hardcore Igbo, brought out her bible, and started preaching. She was like;
.
" Today, I don't even wantu 'mix' words with anybody o. I'm just here to tell you people that the time is now. Oge amara bu ugbua! If you people think I'm joking, don't take me serious ad repent. All of you should better repent or face eternal fire burning! All those una fine skin the hell fire would melt it and burn it away! God is not a man that he should lie!😂
.
Hian! While, some people were laughing and minding their business, I turned back again, to take a look at this preacher of doom, and that was how Big Aunty faced me.
.
" Looking at me won't buy you salvation. Excess makeup no fit save you. Repent! A lot of the ladies that do makeup in this bus are going to visit man! What is man? What is man!!! You can survive without man! Man that will give you HIV and S tomorrow? 'HIV and S'!😂 And HIV and S is equal to hell fire!
You are here. Wearing trouser! Because you want to make man to fall inside temptation. Be careful. Fire will burn You!! All this small small boys buying girls sontin and finishing them, ugbua bukwa oge amara! Fire is coming for you ooo. Fire is coming unless you repent!"😂😂
.
She pointed at another girl chewing gum loudly. "I'm talking. Your'e chewing. Fire is coming oo!"
She emphasized, with her right hands drawing her ear.
.
"Its not HIV and S , its HIV and Aids." The babe replied. 😂
.
All of a sudden, the driver stopped to pick up another guy, who just got off a bike, and was angrily shouting at the bike man. When he got into the bus, Our big Aunty faced him;
" How can you be shouting at a man that is older than ya father? Ogini na e mezi umu aka this generation?"
.
The guy explained to her that he had just lost his girl friend to a bike accident. According to him, he had the accident with her. She died, he survived. He has been careful, ever since.
Firstly, he's traumatized, secondly, he had to stop the bike and take a bus, because the bike man was riding at a high speed. Everyone was expecting big aunty to sympathize with the guy, but it went the other day.
.
Big Aunty, dropped her preaching, then looked at the guy. She frowned at his dreads and skintight jeans, and started yelling at him. " So you survived abi? You survive? But you send another man's pikin go hell. After finishing her up? You finish person wey no be your wife? Fire is coming for you!!
.
Then our driver lost it...
" Madam!!! Mechionu gi there!!! ebe obula, Fire fire! fire is coming to you n'ebe kwa!
Na you that fire go fez burn commot!
Big Aunty became angry and started raining insults on our driver who matched her back with the same energy, insult wise. The guys started hailing our driver o. They even promised him bottles of beer.
When driver noticed that his chivalry was gaining him bottles of beer and pedigree as well, he intensified his verbal lynchings on Big Aunty.
It was not a small sontin. Bus became noisy. Me I just opened my bag, collected ear piece and plugged inside my ears.
Not today. Satan, Not Today.
Come what may, I must drink that pepper soup. Village people cannot win me in this one. Affliction shall not rise up again the second time mbok!
.*************************
.
Dear Religious Bullies,
I am not offended by your belief in God, neither am I offended by your evangelism in commercial buses.
As a matter of fact, I'm only offended by you, using God and threats of hell fire as a yard stick, to force others to live by the RULES and DOCTRINES of YOUR church.
.
Be open minded! As far as I'm concerned, writing off people, because their attires or outlooks aren't in conjunction with the doctrines of YOUR church, dikwa very lame. o lame baje!
.
Open minded people do not impose their beliefs on others. They accept that we all have a different perspective on life,and therefore, they do their thing in peace and without judgement.
.
Do you know that sometimes the nicest people on earth, could be all covered up in tattoos and dreads?
.
Stop judging people by the scriptures of your faith, and the doctrines of your church. Embrace them by the content of their hearts!
.
Las las, a person's character is shown through their actions, and not where they sit on Sunday. Stop all this religious bullying. I don't even want to enter you people this morning.
I'm just saying that, If you want to preach, preach your thing and rest!
.
Which wan is 'fire is coming for you? The fire dey trek for road?😃😃
Stop threatening people with hell fire! Una no be shareholder or class captain for there! 😏😏😏😏
Written by Penocrat Ayomide Kindness.
Comments
Post a Comment